It’s a choice we all have, hell: the Victim, in one guise or another, is included as a possible role in every play and script life hands us.
Choose to own what you can (control is something I know I have more of than I feel, I suspect it’s a universally human trait), accept that others will do the same – encourage them to ignore the helpless sensation that pervades too much of our headspace, and see if you have a functional dialogue tree to work from, no matter how imperfect or imprecise it may feel.
If you don’t than one of you has made the wrong decision. Well, maybe just a poor one. Events transpire that sometimes have us feeling we belong in the victim role, of that fact I am no stranger, and do not judge others for making the same mistake. It’s one I still make from time to time.
Re-read everything that lead you to the moment, re-write anything you can without appearing like a revisionist. Try to imagine something past the string of frantic, familiar and easy reasons to be put out, with all these slings and arrows flying in the air, understand that they’re perhaps not as antagonistic as they may have appeared. Or that they were: just look again.
What have you got to lose?
EDIT: Of course, all this obscure ninny-whinging won’t change that we’re all going to die. Many before we’ve had a fair shot at living.
That is today’s bottom line. The take home for me.
This will probably confuse unrelated issues, or have people thinking they’re somehow included in my prattle. But all things considered I trust (or at the very least want) my friends to make the grown up, confident and assured decision for themselves. It’s not you, specifically. These meanderings are a substitute for a very effective, well missed $120/hour service from a mental health professional.
Perhaps that is the context the odd reader may need to fully understand the content. Probably all you need to know before beginning, so you can avoid it all in the first place.
And, really, honesty: it’s down to you to decide if any of this is about you, generally, otherwise, or not. My experience, and the arrogant insight it provides, suggest most truths are universal. Not because I have insight, but because people are pitifully obvious. Creatures evolved and trained to seek, value, hope for something more, from each other. And that “something” manifests in an incredibly diverse, unique-but-obvious ways.
It’s embarrassing in those moments when I forget the beauty, absurdity and not-uniqueness that my humanity* is, and all that it has and continues to give me. Because without that…really, it’s physiological receptors I can tickle to make my next breath seem worthwhile. And that’s not enough. No matter how cynical I happen to consider myself.
Anyhow: you, me, everyone? That will never be my position to judge, anyway. No matter where you stand.
I can offer an opinion, but if it happens to be a contrary one then congratulations to you for still being a friend.
The empathising dissenters are the ones I value most.
*brain functions, chemicals, similar cultural privilege